When our plans fail..

   It's ironic that I wrote last about being on the mountain top, when 10 days later we were quickly plunged in to the valley. October 10th I had a routine prenatal visit, where we learned I had prehypertension (which I also had with my first son, Kai) and they would be taking Theo by c-section 2 weeks earlier than planned. So we came home and got our plan in place. The new date was for the 16th and we charted the course of who would watch Kai what days, and if Jay would stay only 1 night at the hospital or more. We took a family trip to build-a-bear where Kai made Theo a stuffed dog, like he has, to give to him at the hospital.  We made sure we got a gift for Kai from Theo as well. We invited close friends and family to visit and let them know what times would be best since the number of visitors at one time are limited. Bags were packed. Phones were charged. 

   We woke up the morning of the 16th like every other morning. We spent our last couple hours as a family of 3 just chilling out together. Then came time to leave for the hospital. We gave Kai a huge hug and lots of kisses, and off we went to have a baby! We reached the hospital and found the waiting room we were supposed to wait in. They were running a bit behind, so the wait felt even longer. I felt a lot more anxious about this birth than I did with my first. I was worried about the normal things. "Is everything ready?" "Will I love this little guy as much as I love Malakai?" I prayed a lot that morning, and even though I was ready to just be done with it already.. I heard that still small voice call out from my heart, and felt it sustaining me like a gravitational pull. Even though my head was swarming, and my body somewhat trembling it just kept me grounded. Then finally my name was called, I was prepped and brought down the operating room. Prepped some more, and then my other source of stability walked in, my husband. As soon as he took my hand things calmed down, at least for a few minutes.  

   After what seemed like an eternity, there it was! That beautiful sound of a newborn cry and just like his brother, he came out peeing all over the place! Haha! My heart felt so full. I ached to hold him. They took him over to the table to weigh him and called for Jay to take pictures, and that's where it all just stopped. I can't explain the feeling of being completely helpless. I was so confused at first. Why wasn't Jay taking pictures? Why are there so many nurses running to where our baby was? It was like a scene from a movie. There was all this commotion, but no sound. Then it hit me, there was no crying. Theo had stopped breathing. I couldn't do ANYTHING at that moment. (Literally, my insides were probably laying next to me on the table.) I panicked inside. I kept looking at Jay and I kept smiling to reassure him everything would be ok. I hated the look he had on his face. I just wanted to reach over to him. Now I know some of you will read this and think it was just a coincidence, but I resorted to the one and only thing I could do and called to my Jesus for help. My exact words "Jesus please help us!" (I could only whisper it as I was trying to breathe through all the pressure of them putting me back together) As soon as I uttered that short simple prayer, Theo let out a huge cry! My heart could have exploded with happiness and relief! The timing of that prayer and his beautiful cry were instantaneous. I know my Lord was right there in that room. To make it even more real, that night my husband told me they were getting ready to intubate him. They had everything ready that they needed in their hands, but thankfully Theo was already IN the right hands. (See what I did there?) 

   They swaddled him, and brought him over so I could see him before they took him directly to the NICU. I will never forget how relieved and how thankful I was to see his precious little face. They rolled me down to recovery once they finished patching me up. We had a nurse who was incredible at keeping us updated and calm. Jay was able to go see our little guy as I recovered and waited for a room. The nurse went out of her way to make sure we had a room right above the NICU, so we wouldn't be too far from him. Before they took me to my room, she made sure I got to stop and see Theo. When I got to the NICU my heart broke a bit. It's not easy to see your little baby with tubes in his nose, on top of hear him grunting while struggling to breath. I just wanted to hold him, and keep him with me. I touched his little hand, and I prayed silently so I could choke back tears. I gave that little baby's life back to Jesus that very moment. I knew who was holding him and who would sustain him, I knew exactly who he belonged to. 

   Any parent who has ever had their child in the NICU knows for every step forward, you then take one and a half steps back. I guess it's one of those "you had to be there" scenarios to really understand, but every time we had a set back, we set it down at the feet of Jesus. Every time we set it down, He picked it up and fixed it. At one point Theo's bilirubin count was high, so that night we prayed and the next morning they were ready to take him off the lights. The nurse was shocked at how fast his count came down! Don't be fooled, there were times of discouragement but we had a peace over us that words just cannot explain. Our plan for Kai meeting Theo wasn't anything like we imagined with a gift exchange and pictures of an adoring big brother. He wasn't allowed to visit the NICU because he didn't have a flu shot. But we made the best of it and by using the wonderful world of technology Kai got to see his brother for the first time, via facetime. It wasn't what we planned but the most precious moment happened regardless. When Kai said "Hi Theo, it's your big brother Kai-Kai!" Theo looked right at the camera with his eyes wide open, responding to his voice. There was an instant connection and Kai just sat there for the longest time looking at him. It wasn't any less beautiful than if it had happened in person. Again, God was at work.

   The projected time Theo would be in the NICU when this all began, was 2 weeks or more. Well we brought him home Thursday October 23rd, after only ONE week in the NICU. Throughout that week we kept praying and God brought me to this scripture several times:

Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.- Philippians 4:6-7

  Had we not laid it all in His hands, it could have destroyed us. I am convinced that Theo's life to this point has been nothing short of a miracle. His life didn't start out anything like we planned, but it did start with a divine purpose. He's a little spit-fire but he has captivated all our hearts while living up to his name, which means "divine gift". The love and joy that is added to our household is immeasurable. I am so thankful for a living God who is there in the midst of trials and thankful for the beauty in those moments when all we can do is be still.