Dying to Live

  Each time he said, "My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness." - 2 Corinthians 12:9   This past month has been a very trying time in our family. On top of grieving it feels like there has been a slew of battles rising against us, like thorns in our flesh as Paul describes. There are times when I go to pray and feel like I have no more to pour out. I feel like I'm worn out of words and emotions. Have you ever felt like that? Like your heart still needs to cry out but you're just so tired all you can muster is His name? You read the words and go through the motions, but there's nothing left to say? That's the place where I am. I feel like I have prayed the same prayers everyday for the past 32 days, and today I am exhausted. Not physically or mentally, but spiritually and emotionally. It doesn't mean I have lost the desire to spend time with Him, I just have nothing left to say. It's uncomfortable. Like those times you try and strike ...

The LORD is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed.- Psalm 34:18   I have tried to write a blog for the past two weeks but the words seem to elude me. I am still struggling with taming my thoughts in to something intelligible.Without spelling out every detail, November 11th my brother lost his best friend and wife, my 3 young nieces (12, 8 and 8 months) lost their mother and our entire family lost a very precious and beautiful person. My sister-in-law was the only sister I ever knew and she meant a lot to me. She was someone I trusted with my kids. She was someone who I could talk to and joke with. She was a fun person to be around. She was healthy. She was only 31 years old. In the matter of an hour, she was gone from this earth.    I have lost loved ones in my life before. But never have I felt quite this way. I never felt grief in the form of a physical hurt. The first night she was gone, I rocked my youngest niece to sleep and pain j...

   So there has been an awful lot of negativity regarding the new Pokemon Go craze. Obviously, there have been those using horrible judgement in abandoning common sense while using this app. But how many people foolishly text or check FB while walking around or driving? How many of you have your face stuffed in your phones to tell the FB world how much you dislike seeing peoples faces stuffed in their phones? **crickets**    Ok on to my real point for this post. Many people are calling this thing "stupid" or "a waste of time", some even going to extreme lengths as to calling it "evil"? (Are you serious? I mean, I love Jesus too.. But really?) Let me share this tid bit of information with you while you have a seat. Yes, you standing on your soap box.. Just sit down for a minute.   Throughout my entire life's observations one thing has remained true, fitting in is not easy. It's even less easy when your interests don't line up with those of y...

    Though the picture above doesn't fully capture the magnificent site we experienced last week, but serves it's purpose for illustration. When I saw this I was just stunned because minutes before we needed candles to see inside the house. (We had also lost power.) It had been grey and snowing for the better part of the day then suddenly, everything stopped and the sun managed to break through the clouds at sunset. The only thing the sun was shining on around us were the tops of the snow covered trees and it lit up the whole neighborhood. It was indescribable.    The next day I still couldn't get the images out of my mind. I started to think about the times in life when we're in the middle of one of life's storms and how our first reaction is waiting for someone or something to rescue us. For me, I pray. I believe that when I call upon the name of my God, that He will come rescue me and He has proven that every single time. There are times the storm is short...

   Did you ever sit in church and there's one line in the entire sermon that just hits you and leaves you pondering it for the rest of the day? That was this morning for me. I can't quote it word for word because my attention span is amazing, but the gist of it was, "IF we could describe God, He wouldn't be much bigger than we are." (para-phrased from P. David Fisher at NBCF) When I heard this thought, it just made me want to spike a football hard to the ground and do some crazy child like dance! (Because after all,  that's how we celebrate overwhelming victory in America.) It filled me with all the "feels". (In case you younger and much cooler people are reading.)         It stuck with me throughout the day because it just made so much sense. If God wasn't bigger than us, we could somehow formulate His very existence. We could put measure on His love and His mercy. We could explain every "why" or "how". We wouldn't nee...

Surely God is my help;     the Lord is the one who sustains me.- Psalm 54:3   This is week our baby boy turns one! I remember looking back over Kai's first year with such joy and peace. It's hard to do this with Theo. I don't think I realized just how hard until we began planning his birthday party. It makes me feel guilty. His birth is something I'm so grateful for, but wish I could forget at the same time. I'm not one who reacts to things as they're happening, emotionally. I shut down and just get through them. So lately I find myself reliving the smells, the sounds and the anxieties of his first week of life. I have never been someone to dwell on anything, I take things in stride and focus on the positive and move on. But I'll admit, this one is hard. It's the feeling of this time of year, the weather and atmosphere. Anytime I've thought back to his first days of life, I have only focused on the day he came home. The days before that are a blur...

  There are times in life, even for the not so emotional people (such as myself), when something completely overwhelms you. I know in these instances my first reaction is "how do I fix this?" I'll be honest with you, I've been saved for about 17 years, and am just now learning how wrong that reaction truly is. How many times do I claim that Jesus is my everything, yet I first pursue other answers and ways first? How much more peace would be in all of our lives if we could train not just our minds, but our hearts to first cry out to Him? Even if it's just a simple cry of His name. Jesus. The most important lesson I am learning is when things happens, He is the first one on the scene. He's not sitting at the station waiting for a call, Jesus is a(the) first responder.       Think about that. If you were in an accident and a paramedic was already on the scene, would you being calling others for help? Would you be searching around for a band-aid? No. You would b...