Dying to Live

  Tired isn't the word to describe my energy level.. but despite that, I am feeling so thankful today! There's such a joy in our house as we prep for and anticipate becoming a family of 4. This joy is a bit more special for us, as we weren't sure we would ever experience parenthood in this way again. It's been an interesting ride these past 7 years as a single child family. We have walked through valleys and stood on mountain tops. We have struggled through finances, frustration, hard changes and the challenge of parenting. But through it all we have grown together. We have created memories. We have become conquerors.    About 3 years ago, we decided to expand our family. Medical issues arose, and we were facing a reality of never bearing a biological child again. We were willing to accept that on the outside, but that desire was still burning in both of our hearts. We began to lose hope, and started considering adoption. (Which may still happen for us in the future).

   God cares even about the little things. My niece just found Kai's baby bracelet in the driveway! It's solid gold, and I let him wear it once last year to a wedding because he wanted to be dressed like Daddy. He ended up taking it off and the car, handed it to me and I dropped it. It fell under the seat where I couldn't reach it, so I left it there until we got home. I forgot all about it until I saw the empty box in a drawer last week. I felt sick about it, so when Jay told me he was cleaning out his car a few days later, I told him I wanted to check for it. I searched every inch of that car floor to no avail and Jay even vacuumed after that.     I was pretty bummed as its special value wasn't due to it being a precious metal, but a precious gift from his grandparents to mark the day of his dedication. I prayed as I was looking for it and when I didn't find it I considered it a loss. But somehow, I can't even comprehend how, my niece found it in a crack in

   19 years ago today, we lost a guy whose shoes were just too big to fill. He was someone I respected and loved. He helped seed important things in me like morale and drive, as well as the fun things like pranks and that unique "Castro" sense of humor. I spent most of my 11-year-old summer with him, his last summer here on this earth and it changed me in many ways. Maybe at the time I was blind to what that summer really consisted of. Being only 11, and not fully grasping what such a loss would be like and how much things would really change.    If you knew my Grandfather, you would understand how much of the gravitational pull he was in our family. Was he a perfect man? Of course not, there are no perfect beings; but man did he love with all his being! My favorite memories consist of Cape Cod, Fall River bakeries, summer evenings at random outdoor concerts and holidays which were filled with food, fun, family and not much elbow room! I loved listening to him speak Portugu

    Divine appointments. They can happen anytime and any place. Today I was driving home from the Dr's full of joy to have heard our baby's heartbeat (it's a miracle that never gets old!). As I approached a traffic light, I saw a man with a cup standing in the median which isn't unusual in that spot. The car in front of me suddenly jerked in to the next lane, and I got so aggravated when I saw the light was still green and another car had stopped in the middle of the road. There wasn't a chance to switch lanes, so I waited behind the car. The window rolled down, and an arm waved over to the man in the median.. as he got closer my heart sank. This wasn't just a man, but a young man, barely old enough to be out of high school! The same arm that waved him over now held out a bag full of food and a drink. They also exchanged words, words I could tell weren't just small talk or conversation. The light changed from red to green again, and we were finally on the mo

    I read a blog that was posted recently, stating that every child is gifted and talented. I don't think people really understand or grasp what "gifted and talented" means. Yes, every child has their own talents and gifts, special abilities and every child IS a gift but a gifted child is more complicated. As a Mom of a "gifted and talented child" and former early childhood teacher, I can say first hand that these kids are a whole different ballgame. I get "the look" pretty much anytime it comes up that my son is gifted. No, I am in no sense bragging about my child, I'm a proud parent like any other parent out there; but I in no way think my child is better than yours or your child is any less special than mine. My child is just different and it's so much more than just intelligence. It's downright EXHAUSTING having a "gifted child"!    Sometimes it's lonely parenting a "gifted child". Those who haven't resear

   This morning my son asked me a question out of the blue. "Mommy, why do some people care more about money than other people?" Red light. Stop. What?? Apparently this is bothering him this morning. So I explained to him there are many different answers. Some times people are scared about providing for their families, and it comes across as not caring about anyone else. Some times it's just a need to be the richest they can be, it makes them feel powerful and happy. We discussed the importance of worshiping Jesus and how He never runs out, not like money or candy or other things that can make us feel good.   Then I heard that "other" voice. "What are you filling your life with? Am I enough?" Seriously?? Ouch. In open honesty, I fill my life with music, writing and being with people I love. Those things make me the happiest and though I believe God wants us to have enjoyment and He has blessed us with things to enjoy; if it came down to it, would He tr

Thought for the day, or maybe it's just been on my mind and I had time to put it in to words today.. either way here it goes.   Why are we so intent on "shocking" people in to turning their eyes to Christ? We believe and know a God who is bigger and more powerful than we will EVER be. Why do we feel the need to create that "one moment" for a relationship that ultimately has nothing to do with us?   I went to a beautiful wedding last weekend, and it was so refreshingly unique and simple in it's own beauty. The couple were completely overjoyed, and though they were surrounded by people who are part of their story, they could have been the only 2 people on this earth and it wouldn't have changed their relationship in the slightest. It's a lot like that in the spiritual sense between God and us. We are His tools to reach the lost, but in the end all there will be is a personal relationship between an individual and Him, and He knows how to reach them.

There are many things I have learned about myself over the years: * I am an introvert. (though I enjoy socializing and can hold my own in social settings) * I get bored with routine, but I need structure.  * I still enjoy using my imagination. * I am not good at concentrating, unless it's something that interests me. * I am a visual learner. * I finally know what I want to be when I grow up!        The last one on that list is the latest and greatest for me. I am not an organized person. I have a great ability to see the whole picture and become extremely overwhelmed, which just frustrates me and shuts me down. Last week I finished something very important to me, and I feel like my mind has been "unblocked". I feel calm and organized, like my whole life just became aligned. For the first time in my life I realized I found something that I'm kind of good at, and something I truly enjoy. This time in my life is a great time to start out and see what